Adelaide's Lament - Barbra Streisand

(spoken) 
IT SAYS HERE IN THIS BOOK...
The average unmarried female 
Basically insecure 
Due to some long frustration 
May react 
With psychosomatic symptoms 
Difficult to endure 
Affecting the upper respiratory tract 
In other words, 
Just from waiting around 
For that plain little band of gold 
A person can develop a cold 
You can spray her wherever you figure 
The streptococci lurk 
You can give her a shot 
For whatever she's got 
But it just won't work 
If she's tired of getting the fish-eye 
From the hotel clerk 
A person 
Can develop a cold 
(spoken) IT SAYS HERE...
The female remaining single 
Just in the legal sense 
Shows a neurotic tendency 
(spoken) See note...see note 
Note: Chronic organic syndromes 
Toxic or hypertense 
Involving the eye, 
The ear, the nose and throat 
In other words, 
Just from wondering 
Whether the wedding is on or off, 
A person 
Can develop a cough 
You can feed her all day 
With the Vitamin A 
And the Bromo Fizz 
But the medicine never 
Gets anywhere near 
Where the trouble is 
If she's getting a kind 
Of name for herself 
And the name ain't "his" 
A person 
Can develop a cough 
And further more 
Just from stalling 
And stalling and stalling 
The wedding trip 
A person 
Can develop La grippe 
When they get on a train 
For Niag'ra 
And she can hear church bells chime 
The compartment is air conditioned 
And the mood sublime 
Then they get off at Saratoga 
For the fourteenth time 
A person 
Can develop La grippe 
La grippe, La post nasal drip 
With the wheezes 
And the sneezes 
And a sinus that's really a pip! 
From a lack of community property 
And a feeling shes getting too old 
A person 
Can develop 
A big, bad cold!