All Cartoons Are Fuckin' Dicks - Family Guy

On Monday, I had drinks with Barney Rubble
We hit a couple divvy little bars
We noticed there was quite a lovely lady
Sittin' at the table next to ours

Now Barney, who was pretty friggin' wasted
Got up and stumbled over with a groan
He said, "Hey, just between us, my Neanderthalic penis
Is as massive as a Stegosaurus bone!

All cartoons are fuckin' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk, we just can't fix
'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks

Did Barney really say that?
Oh, yeah! He is a bastard
Wow!
And he, and he really does not give a damn
About the feelings of women!
And it's sad! It's really sad
Well you think that's bad, listen to this

One day I met an ape of great charisma
Magilla the Gorilla was his name
He wore a little hat and matching bow tie
A fashion which has brought him great acclaim

I said, "What do you see as your career-peak?
Of all your many flashy escapades
He said, "Well this is funky, but you're lookin' at the monkey
Whos responsible for bringing you the AIDS

All cartoons are fuckin' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk, we just can't fix
'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks

So hes the culprit
I say that is just awful!
Okay, okay! Listen to this little gem"

I had a conversation at a party
With famous Rabbit Hunter Elmer Fudd
He told me I just had to see his rifle
And dropped it on the table with a thud

I said to him, Its quite a lovely firearm
He told me his fiance likes it too
He said, This maybe corny but it really gets me horny
When I press it to her temple while we screw!

All cartoons are fuckin' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk, we just can't fix
'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks

Aw, God! That is one sick bastard!
Eww, youre not kidding?
Yeah, that, that kinda stuffs against the law too, I think
Well, I got one thats even worse than that

On Friday night I went to get some candy
Some soda and some chips and other stuff
Along the way I passed a little alley
And there I saw that K-9 called McGruff

I said to him, Hey! Youre that famous crime dog!
He said, I only work from nine to five!
And now its close to tennish and I got a job to finish
Cause as you can see this hookers still alive!

All cartoons are fuckin' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk, we just can't fix
'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks

Thats awful!
Uh! Imagine McGruff beating up hookers!
He is a dick, he is a dick!
Yes, yes! Hes a nasty cartoon, but I can top that
Listen to this!

One day as I was strolling through the forest
I happened on some mushroom covered turf
And there from underneath a patch of fungus
Emerged the one and only Papa Smurf

He said, This is our secret mushroom village!
I said, Then Im the first to see these views?
He said, Im only kidding
Cause we only keep it hidden from the Asians
Arabs, Faggots, Blacks and Jews!

All cartoons are fuckin' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk, we just can't fix
'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks

That Papa Smurf sounds like a monster!
Oh, hes a dirty, nasty racist and a bigot and homophobe
And you know what I did when I got home?
What?
I called up Gargamel and I told him where the village is!
Thats sweet"

Can I go next?
Of course, sweetie!

One day I met a
Holy crap! Look whos here, its Jason Alexander!
Hey, Cartoon-haters!
But, but I was supposed to go next!
Quiet, honey! Mr. Alexander wants to talk!

I couldn't help overhearing what you were talking about and I agree
Cartoons are real fuckin' assholes!
Yeah, thats sorta what weve been trying to communicate
Well, get a load of this!
He said load!
I know! I heard!

I once met Scooby-Doo at a premiere bash
He looked a little haggard and he stunk
He said, The trouble started last December
When Daphne made a pass while she was drunk

And now hes got a child out of wedlock
Its dealing his career a fatal blow
I asked him, Wheres the baby?
He said, Jason, buddy, maybe now you see
Why fuckin Scrappys gotta go!

All cartoons are fuckin' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk, we just can't fix
'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks

Wow, Scrappy is the bastard child of Scooby and Daphne?
Shocking, isnt it?
Yeah! Hey, you douche bags wanna wrap this up?

So let us leave you now with one suggestion
A bit of wisdom you can take for free
The Mickeys and the Goofys and the Daffys
Are not the gentle souls they seem to be

So anytime Sylvester catches Tweety
Or Tom has got poor Jerry in a fix
Hes in a fix! Sit back and just observe it
Cause the little shits deserve it
For all cartoons are fuckin' dicks

So! When do we get to the 'off-color' part of the album?