Amish Paradise - Weird Al Yankovic

As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain 
I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain 
But that's just perfect for an Amish like me 
You know I shun fancy things like electricity 
At 4:30 in the morning I'm milkin' cows 
Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows... fool 
And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that 
Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone 
I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline 
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin 
But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine 
Then tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699 
We been spending most our lives 
Living in an Amish paradise 
I've churned butter once or twice 
Living in an Amish paradise 
It's hard work and sacrifice 
Living in an Amish paradise 
We sell quilts at a discount price 
Living in an Amish paradise 

A local boy kicked me in the butt last week 
I just smiled at him and I turned the other cheek 
I really don't care, in fact I wish him well 
'Cause I'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in Hell 
But I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deserved it 
An Amish with a 'tude? 
You know that's unheard of 
I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat 
And my homies agree 
I really look good in black... fool 
If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears 
We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years 
But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare 
We're just technologically impaired 

There's no phone, no lights, no motorcar 
Not a single luxury 
Like Robinson Caruso 
It's as primitive as can be 

We been spending most our lives 
Living in an Amish Paradise 
We're just plain and simple guys 
Living in an Amish Paradise 
There's no time for sin and vice 
Living in an Amish Paradise 
We don't fight, we all play nice 
Living in an Amish Paradise 

Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter 
Raised a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise anutter 
Think you're really righteous? 
Think you're pure in heart? 
Well, I know I'm a million time as humble as thou art 
I'm the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be like 
On my knees day and night scorin' points for the afterlife 
So don't be vain and don't be whiny 
Or else, my brother, I might have to get medieval on your heinie 

We been spending most our lives 
Living in an Amish Paradise 
We're all crazy Mennonites 
Living in an Amish Paradise 
There's no cops or traffic lights 
Living in an Amish Paradise 
But you'd probably think it bites 
Living in an Amish Paradise 

Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh 
ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-yecch!