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[00:00.02]Beer, same thing now, who knew that beer-flavoured
[00:02.95]Beer would be a special order? You had this experience yet in New York City
[00:06.16]Huh? You're walking around in a neighbourhood you don't live in
[00:07.81]But you've seen a million times before, and you see a brand-new bar
[00:09.46]That looks like an Irish bar, right? You walk in with your friend
[00:11.85]Still looks like an Irish bar, there's a bartender behind the bar
[00:14.63]You walk up and go, "Hey, how's about a couple of Budweiser?"
[00:17.08]I can't do that, why not? "Well, because this isn't really a bar"
[00:20.94]Oh, well, what is it? "This is a microbrewery"
[00:26.09]Oh, really, asshole, well, why don't you go in the back and microbrew
[00:30.42]Me up a batch of fucking Budweiser then, okay?
[00:32.34]Because this is America, and I am very thirsty, pull up your pants
[00:40.09]Microbrewery, you can't even order a shot of whiskey anymore
[00:43.65]Without some special little story being attached to it
[00:45.43]You want a boiler, that's a tough word or two
[00:47.13]Gimme a shot of whiskey, oh, that's not just whiskey
[00:49.88]Okay, what is it? "That's 182-year-old oak barrel family recipe
[00:53.55]Sipping whiskey" oh, really, watch this
[00:56.35]Clang, gimme another one, alright? Then gimme another
[01:01.07]And I'm gonna sip the whole fucking bottle, asshole, alright?
[01:03.22]And get two bowls of pretzels out here too, shithead
[01:08.82]Special family recipe, you know what? Sip this, sip this right here
[01:15.01]My brother-in-law comes over, last Christmas
[01:16.94]Hey man, look what I got you for Christmas
[01:18.76]What's that? "Special Sam Adams Christmas beer dispenser, man"
[01:22.12]Oh, really? "Yeah, six different flavours, you know what?"
[01:24.22]"Put it in the fridge, put it in the bottom of the fridge and bury it"
[01:29.13]So months go by, of course, right?
[01:30.81]And now I'm watching the hockey playoffs
[01:31.97]I'm eating pretzels, and I'm thirsty, and I'm thinking
[01:33.52]Oh, man, oh, the team's tight, I go up, I open the refrigerator door
[01:35.93]And I can see a beer out of the corner, my eye I grab it
[01:37.53]I pull the cap off, I've almost scored, cranberry ale
[01:46.88]Cranberry nut, crunch fucking ale, let me tell you something folks
[01:51.25]Cranberries and beer do not go together, okay?
[01:53.49]One's for bladder infections, one's for getting drunk
[01:59.14]Yes, yes, I'm 40, I don't need to be standing in my kitchen
[02:05.29]Tasting cranberries during a hockey game
[02:11.17]I take a look at the label of my beer
[02:12.08]You know who's on my beer label?
[02:13.08]Santa Claus is on my beer label
[02:15.20]Santa -, I swear to God
[02:16.93]You know, Mike Ditka can be on my beer label
[02:18.67]Dick Butkis, Cindy Crawford, they can all be on my beer label
[02:20.86]Not fucking Santa, okay?
[02:22.36]Let's put the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy on there too
[02:24.01]Call it Pussy Ale while you're at it, go ahead
[02:28.34]Oh, my God
[02:32.52]Pete's Brew, Pete's Wicked Brew, Pete's Wicked Summer Brew
[02:35.67]Who the fuck is Pete? Fuck Pete, Pete, Pete
[02:49.21]I can't believe I have to get angry about this shit
[02:50.85]I never thought they'd change, the beer and the coffee, who knew?
[02:55.78]I'm gonna open my own bar, okay
[02:57.03]It's gonna be the most retro bar in the history of New York
[02:58.89]They're gonna serve coffee, donuts, cigarettes, beer, and whiskey
[03:01.65]And that's it, that's it, that's right
[03:10.06]I'm gonna call it McLeary's
[03:12.11]We're gonna play the Rolling Stones 24 hours a day
[03:16.28]And you know what, if I see just a millimetre of underwear, you're out
[03:20.67]I'm gonna have a big metal detector to get all those cock ring guys too
[03:24.49]Right at the front door, beep, beep, beep, you got a cock ring?
[03:27.11]"Uh, no" you lyin' piece of shit, get out, turn up the stones
[03:33.20]All stones, all the time, no house, no techno, no rave
[03:37.62]No Puff Daddy, no H.R. Puffinstuff, no Puff the Magic Dragon
[03:40.79]No Chemical Brothers, no Chemical Sisters, no hip trip skip fucking hop
[03:43.86]No, stones 24 hours a day, that's right
[03:51.92]All we do is we drink, we cry, we fart, and we fight, that's it
[03:55.93]Oh, I was down at McLeary's the other night, it was fucking great
[03:59.45]I shit my pants, and they gave me new pants
[04:02.60]I beat up my mom, she beat me up, it was great
[04:06.21]Then we puked, it was excellent
[04:08.34]The stones were there, man
[04:19.21]🎵