Car Accident - Dane Cook

We love car accidents in this country. We're obsessed with car accidents! 
I know your like me, its like 2 in the morning, it's dead quiet. 
Your in you're house watching tv, your in bed. 
All of a sudden outside at the corner you hear. 
Screech 
Damnit! Shit that sounded like it was going to hit. 
You always want it to hit. Screech. Come on! Nothing! Uh. 
Then when you finally hear the crash your psyched, its like, 
Screech where are my shoes? Yes, where are my shoes? 
Have you seen my shoes? Fuck it, i'm going out without shoes. 
I'm going out shoeless. Right, you come out of you're house, 
all you're neighbours are coming out, everyones coming out, 
your like waving at each other. You're psyched to see each other, 
come on! Lets go, you wanna go together? 
Come on lets go, you me and you, no no, you wait for the next group, 
you wait for the next group. We'll go as a team, no no you wait, 
you wait for the next group. 

Then you get out there, its no big deal, 
but everyone stands out there for like, 2 extra hours. 
Its over, no ones hurt or anything but everyone has to stay out there. 
Even if its hot everyone acts like its cold and shit. Hey, whats up (chilly). 
Just had to see what was going on. 
And It doesn't matter who you start talking to, 
I guarantee everyone is having the same exact conversation. 
No matter who you get into it with, all anybody is saying like back 
and forth is like, Yeah, yeah well no I was in my kitchen, 
and I heard it so I came out. You were in your living room? 
I was in my kitchen cleaning a dish. I heard it, I came out. 
What you were in you're basement? He was in his living, 
I was in the kitchen cleaning a dish, I was really cleaning, 
and I heard it so I came out. What? Shoes? No, no, Fuck shoes! 
Haha shoes, hahaha listen to this guy with shoes. 
Hahaha you, Shoes, over here. 

And everyone always wants to be a part of like the police, 
you know what I mean. We always wanna be involved, 
we wanna talk to the cops when ever they come to your, you know, 
Officer, yeah yeah, I'm sorry,yeah I just want you to know, 
if it helps in your investigation, I was in my kitchen, and I heard it, 
so I came out. I will testify in court I was cleaning a dish, 
I will bring the dish as exhibit A. And this guy, he was in his basement. 
Tell him what you told me, tell him what you told me, 
Thats not what he told me, he's lying, thats not what you told me.