Combat Chuck - Five Iron Frenzy

A real life superhero. 
He's got the Holy Ghost.
He's either praising Jesus, or he's making toast. 
Ain't got no superpowers, ain't got no giant brain, 
but he would try and help you, if he heard you call his name. 
There's some kids there in some trouble, need a Pepsi on the double.
then he shouts, not so quiet, "Would you like regular or diet?" 
Found a campsite for some kids, by the stage is what he did.
People ask why he's so nice, he wants to be like Jesus Christ. 
Whenever you're in trouble, whenever you're in need, 
Combat Chuck will help you, he nearly runs with speed.
he's on the ball to save the masses,
got some thick old horn-rimmed glasses.
his head is bald, he shaved it shiny.
Kicks the devil in his hiney. 
People ask why he's so nice,
he wants to be like Jesus Christ.