Everyone thinks they know the story
Of Dick Turpins highway glory
But my past is far more gory
(Was no saint)
You think life is one big antic
My profession is romantic
Hate to be pedantic
But it ain't
As a butcher down in Essex I was handy with a knife
Had a sideline as a pocher
Led a less than honest life
The notorious gang of Gregory liked my style and dedication
They signed me up and gave me a real robbers education
We rampaged through the Essex farms
We stole, and robbed, and fought
But when the law came for us I escaped and they got caught
I became a highway man
Was daylight robbery
(HUH!)
I was no Prince Charming
Nothing dandy about me
(HUH!)
The truth is I was violent
And with my good mate Matt king
Robbed travellers at gun point
Money, watches, anything
My horse it wasn't called black vessel
Though that's what you've read
Was no romantic hero
Shot not one, but two men dead
The legend that surrounds me misses out the crucial
I was a ruthless killer
With a ruthless killers heart
Was a vicious highway man
A source of pain and tears
(HUH!)
When you hear how my story ends
You won't believe your ears
(HUH!)
I ran away to Yorkshire
Changed my name to John Palmer
Was sent to prison
After stealing chickens from a farmer
Wrote a letter to my family
A plea it did relate
The postman saw the envelope
And here's the twist of fate
He had taught me how to write so he knew I'd lied
That's not John Palmer's hand
That's Dick Turpins
He cried
Was a vicious highway man
My crimes have bought me fame
Was stitched up by a posty that's not glamorous
That's lame
No morse that then deliver
You'll remember this I hope
It's no fun hanging with highway men when you're
Hanging from a rope