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[00:07.17]SCROOGE: Bah, humbug, everybody.
[00:09.83]CHORUS: Good morning, Mr. Scrooge!
[00:11.60]SCROOGE: Well, the meeting will come to order, if you please. Are all the advertising people represented here?
[00:17.94]CHORUS: Everyone except Amalgamated Cheese!
[00:21.60]SCROOGE: Well, if they're not here for the Christmas pitch, I can't help them find new ways of tying their product in to Christmas. That's why I'm chairman of this board! Let's hear it for me!
[00:33.32]CHORUS: Hear, hear!
[00:35.13]SCROOGE: All right, Abercrombie, what are your people up to?
[00:36.94]ABERCROMBIE: Ahhh, same thing as every year. Fifty thousand billboards showing Santa Claus pausing to refresh himself with our product.
[00:44.14]SCROOGE: Mmmmm, hmmm, well, I think the public has come to expect that and...
[00:47.71]ABERCROMBIE: That's right. It's become tradition!
[00:50.46]SCROOGE: You there, Crass, uhh, I suppose your company's running the usual magazine ads showing cartons of your cigarettes peeking out of the top of Santa's sack?
[00:58.58]CRASS: Better than that! This year we have him smoking one.
[01:02.16]SCROOGE: Um-hmmm...
[01:03.09]CRASS: Yes. We've got Santa a little more rugged, too. Both sleeves rolled up and a tattoo on each arm. One of 'em says "Merry Christmas."
[01:09.38]SCROOGE: What does the other one say?
[01:12.05]CRASS: "Less tar!"
[01:12.98]SCROOGE: Great stuff!
[01:14.74]CRATCHET: But Mr.Scrooge...
[01:15.62]SCROOGE: What? Who are you?
[01:16.52]CRATCHET: Bob Cratchet, sir. I've got a little spice company over in East Orange, New Jersey. Do I have to tie my product in to Christmas?
[01:22.88]SCROOGE: What do you mean?
[01:24.67]CRATCHET: Well, I was just going to send cards out showing the three wise men following the Star of Bethlehem...
[01:29.14]SCROOGE: I get it! And they're bearing your spices. Now that's perfect.
[01:33.66]CRATCHET: No, no... no product in it. I was just going to say, "Peace on Earth... Good Will Toward Men."
[01:39.15]MAN: Well, that's a peculiar slogan!
[01:42.74]SCROOGE: Old hat, Cratchet! That went out with button shoes! You're a businessman... Christmas is something to take advantage of!
[01:48.10]SCROOGE: A red and green bandwagon to jump on!
[01:51.76]SCROOGE: A sentimental shot in the arm for sales! Listen!
[01:55.31]CHORUS: Deck the halls with advertising,
[01:58.97]Fa la la la la la la la la.
[02:00.73]While you can be enterprising,
[02:03.48]Fa la la la la la la la la.
[02:05.21]On the fourth day of Christmas,
[02:06.14]My true love gave to me
[02:08.82]Four bars of soap,
[02:10.62]Three cans of peas,
[02:11.56]Two breakfast foods,
[02:13.36]And some toothpaste on a pear tree!
[02:17.85]On the fifth day of Christmas,
[02:19.62]My true love gave to me...
[02:21.48]SCROOGE: Five tube-less tires!
[02:25.02]CHORUS: Fo-ur quarts of gin,
[02:27.79]Three ci-gars,
[02:28.63]Two cig-ar-ettes,
[02:29.52]And some hair tonic on a pear tree!
[02:34.07]Chest-nuts roasting...
[02:39.49]ANNOUNCER: Sayyyy, Mother, as sure as there's an X in Christmas, you can be sure those are Tiny Tim Chestnuts roasting. Tin-y Tim Chestnuts are frill-bodied... longer lasting! This visible shell protects the nut! Now with X-K 29 added, for people who can't roast after every meal.
[02:57.50]GIRL TRIO: Tin-ee Tim! Tin-ee Tim! Chest-nuts all the way!
[03:02.01]ANNOUNCER: Tin-y Tim's roast hot... like a chestnut ought! And... they are
[03:06.52](ECHO) mild, mild, mild, mild.
[03:09.22]CHORUS: Deck the halls with advertising,
[03:12.80]Fa la la la la la la la la.
[03:15.59]'Tis the time for merchandising,
[03:18.26]Fa la la la la la la la la.
[03:19.16]Profit never needs a reason,
[03:21.84]Fa la la la la la la la la.
[03:23.61]Get the money, it's the season,
[03:26.37]Fa la la la la la la la la.
[03:33.51]SCROOGE: Words to live by, Cratchet!
[03:35.32]CRATCHET: For you, maybe. Can't you just wish someone merry Christmas, for the pure joy of doing it?
[03:41.64]SCROOGE: Why? What's the percentage in that? Let me show you how to make Christmas work for you!
[03:47.04]CHORUS: We wish you a merry Christmas,
[03:48.81]We wish you a merry Christmas,
[03:50.65]We wish you a merry Christmas,
[03:52.48]And please buy our beer!
[03:56.93]SCROOGE: There you go, Cratchet! That's Christmas with a purpose.
[04:00.56]CRATCHET: I know, but wait a minute. Don't you guys make enough profit the other eleven months? Christmas comes but once a year.
[04:06.95]SCROOGE: Humph! Funny thing you should bring that up. That's exactly the point I was about to make. Hit it, boys!
[04:12.39]SCROOGE: Christmas comes but once a year,
[04:16.82]So you better make hay while the snow is falling,
[04:19.56]That's opportunity calling you!
[04:22.27]CHORUS: Rub your hands, December's here,
[04:26.75]What a wonderful time to be Glad and merry!
[04:29.46]SCROOGE: Just so you're mercenary too!
[04:33.01]CHORUS: Buy an ad and show all the toys,
[04:36.67]Show all the toys up on the shelf
[04:38.43]SCROOGE: Just make sure that you get a plug,
[04:41.10]You get a plug, In for yourself!
[04:43.88]SCROOGE AND CHORUS:
[04:44.75]Christmas comes but once a year,
[04:45.62]So you better cash in,
[04:47.40]While the spirit lingers,
[04:48.36]It's slipping through your fingers,
[04:51.01]Boy! Don't you realize
[04:53.77]Christmas can be such a
[04:54.61]Monetary joy!
[05:02.76]CRATCHET: Well, I guess you fellows will never change.
[05:06.38]SCROOGE: Why should we? Christmas has two s's in it, and they're both dollar signs.
[05:10.89]CRATCHET: Yeah, but they weren't there to begin with.
[05:12.67]SCROOGE: Eh?
[05:13.51]CRATCHET: The people keep hoping you'll remember. But you never do.
[05:15.33]SCROOGE: Remember what?
[05:16.31]CRATCHET: Whose birthday we're celebrating.
[05:19.01]SCROOGE: Well,... don't get me wrong. The story of Christmas, in it's simplicity, is a good thing - I'll buy that. It's just that we know a good thing when we see it.
[05:28.98]CRATCHET: But don't you realize Christmas has a significance, a meaning.
[05:33.40]SCROOGE: A sales curve! Wake up, Cratchet, it's later than you think.
[05:37.05]CRATCHET: I know, Mr. Scrooge, I know.
[05:39.75]CHORUS: On the first day of Christmas,
[05:46.05]The advertising's there, with
[05:47.85]Newspaper ads,
[05:57.78]Billboards too,
[05:58.62]Business Christmas cards,
[06:00.42]And commercials on a pear tree...
[06:03.13]Jingles here, jingles there,
[06:04.98]Jingles all the way.
[06:06.73]Dashing through the snow,
[06:08.50]In a fifty-foot coup-e
[06:10.32]O'er the fields we go,
[06:11.23]Selling all the way...
[06:13.18]Deck the halls with advertising,
[06:20.37]What's the use of compromising,
[06:22.15]Fa la la la la la la la la.
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