His Excellency Regrets - Noel Coward

Girls:
Oh, tell us please
Entirely confidentially
How A.D.C.s
Are trained in social grace.
It's awfully brave
Daily to be called upon to save
His Excellency's face!

Men:
Any explanations
Of the duties of an A.D.C.
Prove the complications
That are rife at Government House.
Certain situations
We could never let a lady see,
There are strange vibrations
In the life at Government House.
Truth is often sacrificed for reasons of diplomacy.

Girls:
That of course we understand
But all the same it must be grand 
To be
So suave, so calm, so dignified!

Men:
If you knew what all that signified-we-
Who break the Ninth Commandment every day
Would hang our heads in shame and say
Forgive-we have to live
Officially on feet of clay.
Every minute
We're made to sin it
Is really very depraved,
But to Hell
With the lies we tell,
His Excellency's honour must be saved.

Refrain 1

His Excellency regrets
That owing to an attack of Gout
He really dare not venture out
On Saturday to dine.
His Excellency regrets
That owing to doctor's orders he
Cannot attend the Mission tea
And also must decline
Your kind invitation
For Wednesday week.
A slight operation
And poor circulation
Combined with a weedy physique
Has made him unable to speak.
All this in addition to what
The Doctors describe as a ‘Clot'
Which may disappear
By the end of the year
But may, very possibly, not!
His Excellency regrets
That owing to his exalted state
He can no more associate
With amiable brunettes.
Walk up-walk up-we're willing to take your bets
That that's one of the principal things His Excellency regrets!

Girls:
So now we know
About the Diplomatic Corps,
How it can so
Corrupt the soul of youth.
What happens