🎵
[00:00.09]No I never was in vietnam
[00:04.58]I never once dove into an empty swimming pool
[00:08.12]I never let the carpet walk right out from under me
[00:12.62]I never painted a house or a tree
[00:17.18]I never did become an exotic dancer or a customer service representative
[00:25.28]I never took the pulse of a dying duck
[00:30.70]Or gave mouth to mouth resusitation to a horsefly
[00:35.20]In a way I suppose you could say my experience is quite limited
[00:43.36]For example,
[00:44.23]I never locked Oliver Cromwell in a broom closet while singing Waltzing Matilda
[00:50.56]I never sawed a television in half
[00:53.22]Although I once saw Wendy O'Williams saw a guitar
[00:56.85]I never played a decent game of jacks
[00:59.55]I never played poker with a toothless one eyed pirate who kept picking his
[01:04.08]Teeth with a bowie knife to distract me while his parrot looked over my
[01:07.77]Shoulder and told him what cards I had by using an elaborate code involving
[01:13.16]Vomiting, chirping and sea shanties
[01:17.67]I never bought a lamp
[01:19.46]Wait I did buy a lamp once
[01:22.12]But I never bought a lantern or a lambskin profolactic
[01:27.51]I never bought lima beans or lime pudding
[01:31.15]I never bought a lion or a Lionel Richie album
[01:35.64]I never bought anything beginning with the letter "L"
[01:39.28]Except lollipops, lightbulbs and lettuce ... and the lamp
[01:44.65]I never layed down for a nap and found the Everly brothers in bed with me
[01:49.29]I never let a cyborg take out the garbage
[01:52.82]I'm sorry I stole the radio
[01:59.18]I did it
[02:00.03]I sawed the legs off the periodic table
[02:03.68]I re-elected the President
[02:06.35]I did it, it was my fault
[02:08.13]I farted in the church
[02:09.07]I'm sorry I did many, many bad things
[02:12.67]And I am so sorry
[02:47.85]🎵