My Whole Family - Bo Burnham

Every time I go to dinner
Seems like I'm getting a little bit thinner.
I'll sit down at the breakfast table.
I can talk, well they're not able.
When I look at them I find.
There's a single question on their mind.

I wish it could go back to the way it was
It's not easy now because... 

My whole family thinks I'm gay, 
I guess it's always been that way.
Maybe it's 'cause of the way that I walk
Makes them think I like... Boys.

That I like boys.

The goddamn question just won't go away.
And I get asked every single day.
But the way they ask it is not a disguise, 
Like, "How was your day? Do you like to kiss guys?"

This is the worst, 
Baby this was my fear.
Now their opinions are crystal clear.
Because... 

My whole family now is shocked.
I'm in the closet, and the door is locked.
Now my glory days are gone
I was John Elway, now I'm Elton John.

My whole family now suspects
Watching Spongebob had side-effects.
I'm not gay and that's what I said
If I'm gay hey, God, strike me dead (cough, cough, cough).

That's weird.

Just cus I'm on the cheerleading team 
Or my birthday party had a Broadway theme

When I go outside, what do I see?
That the clouds in the sky spell F-A-G.
Because... 

I think that God might think I'm gay.
What does He know anyway?
My grandma gave me a present just last year, 
And the card said, "Happy Birthday, Queer!"

My whole family thinks I'm fab.
There's a guy's butt hey, Bo, take a stab.
Why doesn't he get women?
There's no other way.
It's 'cause I'm lanky, not 'cause I'm gay, alright?

Not 'cause I'm gay.

Just 'cause I'm afraid of the snow.
Or my favorite color is the rainbow... That was a joke.
I don't mean to yell, but I fear I must.
'Cause I'm losing the people that I thought I could trust.
Because... 

Even my boyfriend thinks I'm gay... JUST KIDDING

You all probably think I'm gay... 
Man this song is counter-productive.
La la la la la la... 

Because... 
My whole family thinks I'm gay.
What do they know anyway?
You gotta look right through the haze.
Easy-Bake Oven was just a phase.

My whole family thinks I'm qweer.
That is all I ever hear.
But I've been as straight as a ramp, 
If you don't count Bible camp.

Bible camp.

I'm not gay I swear.