New Math - Bo Burnham

So here's a song that takes something that's not so fun, math, and makes it offensive.

What's a pirate minus the ship?
Just a creative homeless guy 
And an anteater plus a large hungry mutant ant?
An ironic way to die 

And what's domain, domain, range (xxy)?
A kid with too much in his pants 
And two balls minus one?
Seven titles at the Tour de France 

Split a decision with long division,
Take the circumference of your circumcision
Live like your data and when you're all "set"
Put it all together and whatever you get .

It's new math...

What's a bag of chips divided by five,
Well that's a Nike workers' meal 
And Santa clause multiplied by "I"?
Well I guess that makes him real 

And the square root of the nba?
Is Africa in a box 
How do you trace a scatter plot?
Give the pencil to Michael J Fox 

Take the approximate moral proportion
Of the probable problem of a pro-life abortion
Live like your data, and when you're all "set"
Put it all together and whatever you get...

It's new, it's new, it's new, it's new...
It's new math.

And if you made a factor tree
Of the factors that caused my girl to leave me
You'd have a tree...
Full of Asian porn.

See al, see you later (C-A-L-C-you-Lator)
Mathematical minds make industrial smog.
And what's the opposite of ln(x) (natural logarithm)
Duraflame - the unnatural log .

Support the farmers with a pro-tractor ,
Link Kennedy and Lincoln with a common factor 
Live like your data, and when you're all "set"
Put it all together and whatever you get...

Yeah it's new, it's new, it's new, it's new... It's new math.

Word problems!

If there's a fat guy in a pastry shop
With a twenty dollar bill and he's ready to buy,
In order to predict his volume change
You'll need to know the value of pi

And there's a metal train that's a mile long
And at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her,
How long 'til it reaches and kills the driver,
Provided that he's a good conductor ,

And if ten percent of men are gay
And twenty percent of men are Chinese,
What are the odds that a man chosen at random
Spends his free time at mealtime while on his knees

And if Kim is half as old as Bobby
Who is two years older than twelve year old Tori,
For how many more 30 day months
Will their threesomes be considered statutory... Rape 

Because math can be s***

Cause having s** is like quadratic expansion
If it can't be split then it's time to stop,
And having s** is like doing fractions,
It's improper for the larger one to be on top ,

And having s** is like math homework,
I do it best when I'm alone in my bed.
And squaring numbers are just like women,
If they're under thirteen just do them in your head...

It's new math