Northern Birds - Adam Kay & Suman Biswas

This is a national service announcement for all men
If you go to Bolton
If you go to Manchester
Or crewe
Newcastle, or Scarborough
York, or Scunthorp, Bradford, Barnsley too
or Grimsby
Listen up to what we have to say

Northern birds are lazy ugly whores who smell of burgers
So dont have too much to drink
or you might fuck one
and end up getting aids

Theres nothing fun
To be found off the M1
Northern birds are lower class
Slags who take it up the arse

They're in the sack
after one cider and black
but they're fucking awful rides
and your dick won't touch the sides

Da-da-da-da-da-da
da-da-da-da

Northern Birds

Da-da-da-da-da

If you really have to
Go up north then follow our advice
Fight away the women
Or you'll find yourself with Pubic lice
And herpes
Your much better staying in the South
Northern Birds
are desperate ugly hippos dressed in Burberry
With a peanut for a brain
And an accent that makes you want to die

Now you've been warned
Theyre all physically deformed
Northern birds
are all obese
and theyre riddled with disease

Try to escape
Northern sex is worse than rape
Stay down south and mark my words
Stear well clear of northern birds

Northern birds

Northern birds