Or So They Say - Gilbert Osullivan

I've never been able
To stand on a table
Without using both of my feet
I've always resisted
The choice that was listed

Whenever I sat down to eat
Now don't think me rude
But that dress is so low cut
Your navel is sticking out
And not that I'm curious
But seeing how low yours is
I wonder where mine is about

I read in the newspapers only today
That tomorrow's will be even better
Liquid detergent is now guaranteed
To absorb all the dirt from your sweater
Or so they say
We once had a neighbor
Who came from Jamaica
(No, she came of her own accord)

Who talked with an accent
Like that of a Dachshund
Whose cousin the Queen had adored
Oh how would you like it
If I was invited
To Lords on the first day of play
I'm no Gary Sobers
But I can bowl overs
In quite an unorthodox way

Now cricket's a game that can baffle us all
It's the silly mid-on that gets me
Silly or not, it's enthralling to watch
Only maidens of course disagree
Or so they say

Life is so often a dullish affair
It's no wonder that crime has increased
What does it matter, if there's no hereafter
We're here after all just to breathe
Or so they say
And as I finish playing
This is my way of saying
"The End"