Rosie's Restaurant - Bobby Bare

I was waitin' in Rosie's Restaurant.
When the waiter came up and said "what do you want?"
I looked at the menu and it looked so nice.
Till he said, "let me give you some advice"
He said, "Spaghetti and potatoes got too much starch,
Pork chops and sausage are bad for your heart.
There's hormones in chicken and beef and veal.
A bowl of ravioli is a dead man's meal.
Bread got preservatives, there's nitrites in ham.
Artificial coloring in jellies and jam.
Stay away from donuts, run away from pie.
Pepperoni pizza is a sure way to die.
Sugar rots your teeth, makes you put on weight.
Artificial sweetner's got cyclamates.
Eggs got cholesterol, there's fat in cheese.
Coffee ruins your kidneys and so does tea.
Fish got mercury, red meat is poison.
Salt's gonna send your blood presure risin'
Hot dogs and bologna got deadly red dyes.
Vegetables and fruit are sprayed with pesticides.
So I said, "what can I eat that's gonna make me last?"
He said, "a small drink of water in a sterilized glass"
Then he stopped and he thought for a minute.
He said "Never mind the water---There's carcinogenics in it"
So I got up from the table and walked out in the street.
Reliazing there was nothin' I could eat.
I ain't eaten for a month and I'm feeling fine...
"Cause he did not mention, beer, whiskey, women
And sweet red wine.