Southern Air - Ray Stevens

Southern Air, Southern Air
If you're flying down to Dixie you won't find a cheaper fair
Southern Air, Southern Air
Yeah they'll treat you like kinfolks
but you better have time to spare.

(Spoken)

Yeah, there I was. I'd just stepped on board flight number 78492100976 5432 82765....7. Flying non stop from Heyhiward, Georgia to Yazoo City, Mississippi. Done bought me one of them triple ultra super saver center sleep tickets. Set down there between a duck and a Ledbetter. Fella tried to talk to me, couldn't understand a word he was sayin, sounded like a log truck. Duck didnt say nothin. All of a sudden I hear this voice comin in over the intracom...

Capt Clower: This here is Capt Jerry Clower. Whooo! I wanta welcome all y'all to Southern Air. We'll be ready for takeoff shortly, just as soon as they clear the runway.

(Mooing)

There was a gun rack in the cockpit
It beat all I'd ever seen
They had complimentary copies of Mechanics Magazine
We peeled rubber on the runway,
Looking out my window screen
I saw an et more possum bumper sticker
Stuck out on the wing

Southern Air, Southern Air
Flying high over Dixie
Going where no others dare
Southern Air, We're Southern Air
Yeah we'll take you to your kinfolks
But you better have time to spare.

Spoken: Yeah, there I was. must have been 500 feet over them pine trees. Duck had done fainted on takeoff. Had his little head layin on my arm there, his little tongue just all hangin out. We flew past Stone Mountain, crossed that Alabama state line, got so close to Enterprise you could almost see that Boll Weevil wine. This I heard this sharp ringin in my ear...

Stewardess: Howw Deee! My name is Miss Pearl and I'll be your stewardess for the duration of this flight. As you can see Capt Clower has turned off the NO CHEWIN sign. Now y'all feel free to kick your shoes off, get up, roam around, get to know your neighbors. Right now I just want to get to know this good looking, handsome young hunk of man right cheer...

She served Nehis, Moon Pies, bowls of butter beans. Gone with the Wind was skippin on that movie screen
While Marcelle, Claudelle, Raynell, Eunell
Clovis and Eugene were all taking turns at the churn
Turnin out peach ice cream.

Southern Air, we're Southern Air
Flying high over Dixie
Country comforts in the air
Southern Air, Southern Air
If you're dyin to see your kinfolks
Well you better have time to spare.

Spoken: Yeah, there I was. That Miss Pearl was givin me more attention then she did that first class passenger. Kept showin me all the new safety tips and playin with my seatbelt. Got me so nervous I dropped my last piece of pecan pie right on that duck's head. That little feller come to and jumped up a-quacking and a-squallin, didnt know where he WAS. Started runnin up and down the aisle, tripped over the ice cream freezer, stepped in Marcelle's sweet potatas and flew out the screen door and was GONE! Nuthin but feathers. Then I heard that voice again comin in over the intracom...

Capt. Clower: I can see Yazoo City from HEAH! Whoo! Now don't y'all fret about that landin none, I got up early this mornin and put on a brand new set of them big foot MUD grippin tires.

Through rain or shine, we stayed behind
Lord it was quite a show
How that duck beat us to Yazoo
Well i guess I'll never know
And that moony girl they called Miss Pearl
Just wouldnt let me go
While that Captain kept on talkin on his 2 way radio

Southern Air, Southern Air

Capt Clower: Uncle Mercy! Can you get them cows off the runway?

(Mooing)