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[00:08.76]Lately I've seen red
[00:10.40]I've tasted blood
[00:11.89]I've killed with words
[00:13.36]I've wished and hoped and swam through a river of snot
[00:16.58]Twice as wide as the mighty Mississippi
[00:18.87]But I want to know about the commercial I saw on TV
[00:22.12]An Irish guy walking through a field of green
[00:25.22]Whistling one of those Irish jigs
[00:27.07]And a woman walks up and says
[00:28.66]"Manly, yes, but I like it too"
[00:30.74]Then the guy pulls out a huge knife
[00:32.46]And cuts off his first two fingers
[00:34.21]And somehow catches them in what's left of his left hand
[00:37.16]And hands them to the woman
[00:38.68]Did I mention they're both dressed in green?
[00:40.76]Then they both sing this song together
[00:42.65]"Are you icky? Are you sticky? Are you hot as anything?
[00:46.33]Hey, cut off two of your fingers and stab yourself in the eye"
[00:49.94]Then he stabs himself in the eye and hands her the knife
[00:52.50]And she stabs herself in the eye, okay?
[00:54.98]Okay, so what about that?
[00:56.94]Then they join arms and do this Irish folk dance
[00:59.39]While taking turns dismembering each other
[01:01.13]This was a commercial for deodorant, I think
[01:03.18]Or soap or something
[01:04.31]So now all the body parts are lying in a heap
[01:07.26]But the heads are still singing
[01:08.85]"Are you icky? Are you sticky? Are you hot as anything?
[01:12.46]Hey, get away from summer and cut off all your limbs"
[01:15.52]Then all the body parts start hopping and bopping around
[01:18.35]Like little bunny rats
[01:19.83]Then they jump into the mouths of the singing heads
[01:22.02]But then they just slip right back out through the severed necks
[01:24.64]And keep bopping about
[01:26.00]It's very beautiful music that's playing
[01:28.10]There's an Irish flute and a mandolin, I think
[01:30.81]And the background singers sound just like the Clancy Brothers
[01:33.92]It's really a wonderful commercial, spectacular
[01:36.53]It must have cost a fortune to make
[01:38.39]The kind of commercial you'd see during the Super Bowl maybe
[01:41.08]Where the advertising time costs a million dollars a half a minute
[01:44.77]Wow, imagine that, a million dollars for a half a minute
[01:48.15]Anyway, by the end of it, it looks like the two of them
[01:50.10]Have been through a juicer or a food
[01:51.53]Processor or a blender or something
[01:53.44]It's just a pink puree of blood, bone, and flesh in a big bucket
[01:57.16]But it's still singing somehow
[01:58.89]"Are you icky? Are you sticky? Are you hot as anything?
[02:02.38]Hey, blend yourself, process yourself, become a glass of animal juice
[02:05.40]Haven't you had enough of fruit juices and vegetable juices?
[02:08.09]Next time company comes over, offer them
[02:10.06]A cool, refreshing glass of yourself
[02:12.04]Give of yourself, stop being such a selfish piece of snot, okay?
[02:15.89]Okay? Okay
[02:17.29]And now back to our program