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[00:00.66]Maybe I just felt
[00:01.45]The shit more than most
[00:02.96]Maybe I been tryna find
[00:04.09]My way outta this hole
[00:05.42]Haven't talked to mom
[00:06.32]It's been a year
[00:07.03]For all I know she could be dead
[00:08.29]And I'd be lying
[00:09.04]There ain't relief in thinking that
[00:11.41]Love has been a delicate dance
[00:12.63]I never learn well
[00:13.84]Don't know how to act
[00:14.68]Having money I never earned well
[00:16.58]Feels like if I don't fuck it up
[00:17.75]Then the world will
[00:18.99]Did all that I set out to do
[00:20.23]Why do I hurt still?
[00:21.78]It seems the further
[00:22.57]I get the more I close
[00:23.76]Walls off to anybody
[00:25.04]Who wants to know me
[00:26.46]Outside of this person grata
[00:27.94]I try to show
[00:28.90]Like a poster reel
[00:29.56]But it's probably
[00:30.27]The furthest from real y'all
[00:31.61]It isn't all about the numbers
[00:32.99]And the glitz
[00:33.96]And we always what life ain't
[00:35.11]Nut don't know what it is
[00:36.44]I don't know what I'm chasing
[00:37.32]Or trying to prove
[00:38.37]Put another bandage
[00:39.29]On a bullet hole
[00:40.09]To fix the wound
[00:41.40]Just consumed with these thoughts
[00:42.53]Tryna fight 'em off
[00:43.73]I quit the drugs
[00:44.48]But the biggest addiction's
[00:45.56]Adding a dialogue
[00:46.75]The vulnerability the path to real connection
[00:48.10]But I'm stressing
[00:49.89]I don't wanna open up to anybody
[00:51.03]Especially those I have to trust
[00:52.49]I been burnt already once twice
[00:54.15]Fuck it a hundred but always
[00:55.43]Thought that was a normal life
[00:56.82]Because it's normal right
[00:58.23]For you to grow up thinking
[00:59.09]You're the only one you can depend on
[01:00.77]After all these nights alone
[01:02.36]Police on the phone
[01:03.65]Either brother's suicide attempts
[01:04.91]Or your mom's overdose
[01:06.86]Four deaths came and went
[01:08.30]Either disappeared
[01:09.29]Or died from the bottle
[01:10.37]That we're sinking in
[01:11.58]Even then you still justify
[01:12.95]You're like it's okay
[01:14.18]Being ignored and
[01:14.83]When you do well you feel ashamed
[01:16.46]Cause they got real problems
[01:17.46]How the fuck do you complain?
[01:18.92]Now if someone says you're important
[01:20.26]You just pull away
[01:21.65]I know that trauma isn't always
[01:22.64]Always how the big things affected
[01:24.38]The silent little cuts in
[01:25.55]The soul that get neglected
[01:26.99]Piles up and collected
[01:27.82]Why you didn't pay attention?
[01:29.05]And expect it to be dealt
[01:30.39]With but instead they just became
[01:31.76]The foundation that you built on
[01:33.13]The blueprint is still wrong
[01:34.64]Quite a fucker act this way
[01:35.99]I didn't realize
[01:37.05]I'm like a walking pattern
[01:38.66]I'll never solve
[01:39.58]Wrecking ball destroying anybody
[01:41.23]Who gets involved
[01:42.42]It doesn't always show in obvious ways
[01:44.21]Hides underneath the surface
[01:45.54]Slowly causing a change
[01:47.06]And it's hard to see the way
[01:47.82]It influenced your shape
[01:49.22]And it's not the brush or
[01:50.13]The cameras or the colors
[01:51.41]It's the way you paint
[01:52.67]Always thought I was a hopeless case
[01:54.43]But it's the programming
[01:55.34]I was programmed
[01:56.14]With to keep me safe
[01:57.59]But safety doesn't always
[01:58.65]Leave room to grow
[01:59.80]And you only feel safe
[02:00.74]In this world alone
[02:02.10]That's abandonment
[02:03.27]And I still can't admit
[02:04.59]The shit that happened
[02:05.28]As a kid might've played
[02:06.11]The biggest hand in this
[02:07.73]How I carved pride outta the fact
[02:09.47]I had to do this on my own
[02:10.87]Nut it's the only way I can
[02:12.17]It's the only way I'm comfortable
[02:13.61]I dress it up and market it
[02:14.94]The more I represent it
[02:15.93]The more these people applauding it
[02:17.57]The more I get applauded
[02:18.42]The more I get that conviction
[02:19.75]But the love for what I do
[02:20.99]Doesn't fix what I was missing
[02:22.43]Just hoping that somebody
[02:23.60]Would notice and they would ask
[02:24.76]How I'm doing but they didn't
[02:25.86]So I put it in these raps
[02:27.32]But wanted someone to listen
[02:28.68]Wanted someone to care
[02:30.07]Didn't get it at home
[02:31.09]So I searched in a career
[02:32.42]And my life got caught up
[02:33.81]Thinking that I thought up
[02:35.12]These thoughts that I've got but stop
[02:37.40]It's all trauma
[02:47.46]It's all trauma
[02:57.53]It's all trauma
[02:59.94]Think as you want
[03:00.75]But make sure you
[03:01.90]Make some gold
[03:02.81]And I don't wanna
[03:03.95]Go down that road
[03:05.11]I been down
[03:05.95]That road before
[03:07.73]It's all trauma
[03:09.47]Think as you want
[03:10.51]But make sure you
[03:11.54]Make some gold
[03:13.33]And I don't wanna
[03:14.23]Go down that road
[03:15.42]It's the only road I know
[03:18.04]🎵