Oh, there's no fire in the fireplace
There's no carpet on the floor
Don't try to order dinner
There's no kitchen anymore
But if the road's been kind of bumpy
And you need to rest a spell
Well, welcome home to Happiness Hotel
If you've got luggage, keep it handy
But you're running out of luck
'Cause the bellhops ain't too organized
And the elevator's stuck
Still, if you don't mind friendly animals
And can learn to stand the smell
Well, welcome home to Happiness Hotel
Welcome home, oh, welcome home
No matter where you wander
You won't ever do as well
Okay, the lobby's looking shabby
And it's got the wrong address
And the whole dang thing has been condemned
By American Express
Still, the management is cheerful
Though the whole joint's gone to hell
Well, welcome home to Happiness Hotel
Oh, there are bugs, and there are lice
Sure, we have our little problems
But you'll never beat the price
You've got every kind of critter
You've got every kind of pest
But we treat 'em all as equals
Just like any other guest
Though you're cleaner than the others
Still, as far as we can tell
You'll fit right in to Happiness Hotel
You'll fit right in to Happiness Hotel