Ladies and gentlemen
Eddie Murphy
I hate cookouts, man
Stay away from cookouts and shit
If you like me, you stay the fuck away from cookouts
I don't like my family coming by the house
The relatives I ain't seen, like, since the last cookout
You got certain relatives you just see at the cookout
And they get on your fucking nerves every year
My uncle Gus come by the house every year
My uncle Gus is the uncle that like to work the grill
And don't let nobody touch the grill when he's around and shit
As soon as he walks in the house, he's like
"Get away from that grill, you don't know how to start no fire
You know I saw no fire, put this fire
This ain't no fire, goddamn heat it
Eddie, Eddie, go over there and give me all that wood, I need half a tree
Chop that tree down over there
Cut down that tree and give me the wood from that tree over there
And Charlie, go get me two gallons of gasoline out the shed
You two gallons of gasoline
You kids roll up your shirt and put that on the grill, we're going to start a fire
Come on, you want to eat? You want to eat?
Just shut up and put that on the fire
Okay, put that wood inside there
Okay, give me the gasoline, Charlie
Hold the match, when I tell you, Charlie
Throw the match on the gasoline, all right?
When I tell you, all right, we're going to make a fire
We're going to eat it, all right? Y'all want to eat?
We're going to eat now
Here we go, pour the gasoline on the head like this
We need the whole, get that goddamn lighter fluid out of there
Put all two gallons of gasoline on this wood and make a fire
We're going to eat a hamburger, okay?
Here we go, Charlie, throw the match
Now, that's a fire, that's a fire, look at that
Look at that there
He'll be all right, roll Charlie around
Roll him around a bit, roll him 'round"